Johnny Chop’s Logo Guidelines: The Sacred Code of Golf Gear Etiquette
The Lost Gospel of Golf Logos - Unearthed from the Maidstone Men’s Locker Room 📜
It is said that every great society has its own unwritten code - a set of rules known instinctively by those who belong, yet foreign to outsiders who dare stumble in without proper decorum. The same holds true for the world of elite golf club merchandise—until one man had the audacity to write it all down.
His name? Johnny Chop.
A name whispered in reverence by those granted access to golf’s most hallowed grounds, yet entirely unfamiliar to the commoner still fumbling through a clearance rack of quarter-zips at Kohls. Johnny was no ordinary man; he was a scholar of The Logo—a purist, a gatekeeper, a defender of the unspoken traditions that separate the discerning from the desperate, the member from the tourist, the tasteful from the tacky.
His Logo Commandments, penned deep in the Maidstone Men’s Locker Room, were never meant for the masses. They were passed down in hushed tones, text chains, and locker room banter—a secret doctrine reserved for those who truly understand the gravity of their embroidered insignia.
Until now.
Out of deep and unwavering respect for Mr. Chop’s work, it is my duty to share his teachings with the world. Not as an act of rebellion, but as an act of preservation. To protect those who, in innocent ignorance, might don a Pine Valley bucket hat while teeing it up at Winged Foot; to guide those who might—God forbid—wear a Pine Valley rain suit to a muni scramble.
So read carefully. Take notes.
Johnny Chop’s Logo Guidelines & Club Etiquette⚡
📍 Circa May 7, 2019 / Maidstone Men’s Locker
Exemptions:
• You’re scratch or better, and/or
• Member of a Top 20 club, and/or
• Member of two Top 100s
When you’re not a member of said club…
1) Must play it to wear it. (See rule 11 for Masters gear.)
2) No more than 2 logos “showing” on the golf course at any given time. Hat, shirt, and belt with three different non-member clubs, at the same time, from your most recent unaccompanied boondoggle is too aggressive.
3) No more than 1 logo “showing” off the course. Poolside with MPCC dragon hat and Ohoopee t-shirt is unfair.
4) Don’t wear two of the same logo unless you’re a member of said course.
5) As a guest, don’t wear the host logo. T-shirt of the band to the concert.
6) Don’t wear it if you’re within a 50-mile radius of your home course. Example: Peachtree GC (not a member of) to Druid Hills GC (member of). Disrespectful to home course staff, especially if home course is not highly ranked.
7) Sum total of course rankings must be more than 20. Example: Don’t wear Pine Valley and Cypress at the same time (1+3=4).
8) When you’re a tourist, don’t wear a recently played Top 100 to another Top 100 in the same “town” if not a member of either. (Example: Shinny hat to National.)
9) Visible two. If vest is “A,” polo cannot also be “A.” Example: Pulling off Friars QZ to reveal Friars polo.
10) Rules don’t apply during an impromptu range sesh at home course (pulling random gear from locker).
11) Masters gear? Yes, under the following circumstances:
a) Under 18 years old.
b) Over 65.
c) Yard work, lake, soccer games, etc.—just never on a golf course.
"ANGC" gear obviously different.
12) Must play more than one round to flex any single item over $300 (example: no cashmere QZ from Maidstone if only played once).
13) No logo’d golf bag, duffels, or luggage from a non-membered course.
14) No driver headcover from a non-member course.
15) Putter cover is okay, but only if you went low.
16) Outing shirts = garbage. Corp logo on the sleeve = Goodwill.
17) Bag tags expire after 30 days. Golf bag shouldn’t look like a Christmas tree.
18) No logo rain gear from a non-member club.
19) Custom golf shoes? No, unless you live in The Villages (pineapple!).
20) White shorts? You must be scratch.
21) Logo on shorts (tramp stamp aka trespass stamp). Whiskey tango with a few select exceptions (ex: NGLA, Kap, and Kitty).
22) Logo umbrella from a non-member club? Preferably not.
23) Crystal rocks glass? Did you have dinner at the club? If not, it’s a no.
24) Can’t wear NGLA or Maidstone in the airport. Looks like Under Armour or Vineyard Vines from a distance. Bad enough you’re flying commercial.
25) Custom yardage book from a non-member club? No.
26) Butler National gear? Preferably not unless tonal.
27) No “member logos” (ex: PV shield only). Never! Stolen valor.
28) No warring tribes—don’t mix Indian logos.
29) Don’t bundle like-kind logos. Example: Balty and Winged Foot, Cypress and Kiawah, or Friars and LACC.
30) Swim meet(s). Support your club, not a Top 100 you could never get into. Masters gear acceptable if your club’s colors include “green,” but not recommended.
31) Can’t wear a logo white hat with a blazer if not a member of said club. Most especially in the airport, flexing a non-member Top 100 on your way to an unaccompanied round in the Hamptons is egregious.
32) Must break 90 at PV to wear PV.
33) During a Member-Guest tourney, your choice of attire should be obvious. If you’re the Member, represent your club(s). If you’re the Guest, represent your club(s).
34) Only exception, which is not applicable during the final round, is gear from a mutual golf trip together and/or a host-gift.
35) Member-Member. Wear your club.
36) Wearing two PUBLIC Top 100s at the same time is grotesque. Strict exception: wearing a combo during the actual trip which was funded by someone else (out of respect for host). Example: Bandon and Old Mac while on campus, sponsored by your FIL, is lame but understandable.
37) Bucket hats? Okay if:
a) You’re caddying for a friend, and/or
b) You’ve had skin cancer, and/or
c) You’re over 60, and/or
d) You’re 200+ lbs and under 5’8”.
e) Otherwise, “no.” As always, scratch golfers are exempt from guidelines.
38) Never use the phrase “bucket list.” Scratch golfers are not exempt from this one.
39) Never call around your original point of contact. Example: Your friend invites you to join him on a golf trip hosted by someone you’ve never met. Over three days, you become fast friends with the host, but he doesn’t expressly offer to host you in the future. You never initiate and/or solicit a future round without express written notice to your friend that made the initial introduction.
40) Can’t wear your own boat logo.
41) Don’t use the phrase “in and out”… especially when leaning on a host for a lift.
42) Never say “was invited but couldn’t make it” or “I’ve got an ‘on’ but haven’t found time” when someone asks if you’ve played Cypress or equivalent.
43) No surfboards in the locker room.
44) Classifications: Member, Affiliate, Guest, Tourist
45) “Guest in Good Standing”: Any combination of the following—
a) Multiple Member-Guest invites
b) Your father’s club
c) 6+ rounds per year
d) Official or unofficial reciprocity
e) Annual vacation destination
f) Multiple staff members affectionately call you by your nickname.
46) Never, ever, arrive before your host.
47) Tip liberally, but only after checking with host to understand protocols.
48) No non-golf logos on a golf course unless you played for the team (ex: Braves hat with Shinny logo violates #47 and #39).
49) Never wear Masters gear to the Tour Championship.
50) Don’t give Berckmans passes to your pilot.
A Final Plea to the Prophet of the Pro Shop🧙♂️
We may never know the true fate of Johnny Chop.
Did he disappear into the mist of Shinnecock’s back nine, never to be seen again? Was he excommunicated for attempting to wear an NGLA logo outside of Suffolk County? Or does he still walk among us, silently judging an airport lounge full of men and women in logoed white hats?
Wherever he is, the commandments he left behind remain our guiding light. They are not mere rules; they are a way of life—a doctrine for the discerning, a safeguard against the logo-clashing chaos that threatens to consume us all.
And so, if by some stroke of fate, this sacred text should find its way back to its original author…
Johnny Chop, if you are out there, step forward. Your people need you.
That’s It - The Sacred List. Pass It Down Wisely, My Friends.
⬇️ Think Mr. Chop missed a key ruling? Have a logo crime that needs addressing? The floor is yours—leave your edits, additions, or objections in the comments below ⬇️